CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I was surprised and disappointed to see, when everyone returned, that I had not been missed. No one made any jokes about my disappearance. In fact, no one said anything at all about it. I guessed that the children had asked Mrs Grose not to mention anything to me. As teatime approached I managed to meet with her alone in the servants' room. I can still remember the way I found her quietly sitting and looking into the fire in the fireplace.

"Actually, the children did tell me not to say anything to you," said Mrs Grose, "Where did you go?"

"I took a walk and then returned to the house to meet someone."

"But who could you possibly know around here?"

"I know a few people," I said, laughing, "Tell me. Did the children mention why they didn't want you to say anything to me?"

"They told me that it would make you uncomfortable if I said anything. Is this true? Would you have been uncomfortable?"

"No, I would have preferred you to say something. Why did they think I would be uncomfortable?"

"I don't know. Miles simply said that we should only do things that please you."

"Ha! If only he would please me! Did Flora say anything?"

"She only agreed with Miles."

"Well, that was nice of all of you to think about me," I said, feeling the opposite, "There are no more secrets between Miles and me. We had a conversation outside of the church."

"What do you mean, 'no secrets'?"

"I mean we know everything about one another. By the way, the person I came back to meet was Miss Jessel."

"She actually spoke to you?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes. She was sitting at my desk in the classroom."

"Tell me what she said!"

"She said that she is very sad. She feels the sadness of the dead."

"Of the dead?"

"Of the wandering dead. She desires Flora's company. But now I don't care anymore. I've decided."

"You've decided what?"

"I've decided what to do."

"And that is?"

"I've decided to write to their uncle."

"That's a wonderful idea." Mrs Grose cried.

"I understand now that I have no choice. Miles feels that I fear to write to his uncle. I, however, will prove him wrong. We'll bring him here and we'll discuss together with Miles why he has not gone back to school yet. He'll see that I'm not to blame. He'll understand the main reason."

Mrs Grose, being a very simple woman, did not know the reason I was talking about. "I'm sorry, dear, I guess I'm not clear about the reason either."

"His dismissal from school!"

"You plan to have their uncle read the letter?"

"I should have sent it to him as soon as we received it."

"Oh, but you shouldn't!" argued Mrs Grose, "We still don't know why he was dismissed."

"Well, what could have been the reason? Was it because Miles is not clever? Was it because Miles is ill? Was it because he has bad manners? Of course not! It must have been for something terrible! Something evil! And do you know whom I blame? I blame their uncle. He was irresponsible when he left those two terrible people in charge of the house and the children."

"I feel, then, that I am to blame, because I did not say anything to their uncle when I knew something was wrong."

"I'm sure you won't be blamed."

"It's not myself that I'm worried about. It's the children."

I sat quietly for a moment and then asked, "What should I say in my letter?"

"Let me write to him."

I knew that Mrs Grose could not read or write, so I asked, "How?"

"I'll get someone in town to help me."

"You want other people in town to know our business?"

Her eyes began to water as she thought about my question more and more. "Alright, it's impossible, I know. I guess you should write then."

"I'll start the letter this evening."

(end of section)